Egg Collection Day (and Bastille Day)

I woke up this morning, slowly. I wasn't overly enthusiastic getting up and getting ready and getting to the clinic. I just couldn't seem to get in the frame of mind to relax and just accept the day ahead. I felt like I was fighting it all mentally. And for those who know me, thats not really normal. I'm normally the girl who just gets in and does whatever needs doing. Am I losing my gumption?

So I made it in to the clinic for 10.30am and needed to sign some more paperwork, you know the usual pre-op type stuff, and then shown into the changing rooms. I was then taken into the surgical ward and directed into a cubicle with a big comfy recliner. It was about half an hour while I sat there and luckily I had picked up a copy of Who magazine with the article about Marion who had just been eliminated from Masterchef. I was trying to use the article as a way of calming myself and relaxing into what was about to happen. Unfortunately I think I had already talked myself into a mild state of anxiety. How very much unlike me!

So the procedure was done in about 20 mins. I was told I probably wouldn't remember much of it and I seem to have wiped out the discomfort I felt but I do know I was not a happy camper throughout. When I had to lay back in the chair they took me to in the surgical room, I started crying and I pretty much didn't stop until about 30 minutes after the procedure finished. When the doctor showed me the follicles on the ultrasound screen it made me cry. When the scientist pulled up on the big screen the first of the healthy eggs and everyone was really happy, I cried! And I did realise that I seemed to have the lower section of my abdomen completely tensed up. So I tried a bit of breathing and whatever I could but not much seemed to help. I also watched the ultrasound screen and the big screen to see the follicles get drained and the subsequent eggs come up on the big screen. But not much distracted me from the discomfort of what I was going through. I was sedated and I was still tense? Honestly I really was feeling like a mess. I also thought I was reaching my limit of what I could handle. I did think that if the doctor didn't hurry up I was going to have to tell him to stop. Anyway, as if he was a mind reader it was all over.

The doctor and nurse helped me back into the wheelie recliner and I was taken back down the hall to recovery. I felt so silly. I was lying in the chair and quietly sobbing while people passed me in the hall. I wanted to say that I was ok, but I just couldn't stop crying. Back in the recovery cubicle I lost the ability to hold in the tears and let out a good balling for what seemed an eternity. Two nurses were with me and we joked about God being a man. Eventually the tears passed and the nurses explained that the sobbing was very normal at this time as it was to do with the hormones and the sedation. It made me feel a little better but really I just felt bad that maybe other people out in the other cubicles might hear me and get freaked out before their procedures. To be honest, I don't think so though!

I was brought tea and big thick raisin toast with lashings of butter. Nothing could have comforted me more than that. Apart from maybe some company, and it wasn't far off. My mate Dale, the one I had been with on Saturday night came in to collect me and she sat with me while they worked out what pain meds to give me. Also, the nurse from the clinic, Carly who I had been dealing with also came to see how I was going. I was so grateful she came by. It made me feel like I was more than a donor, but I had been a person too. The clinic really were great at treating me very well!

The sedation and the locals were wearing off and the two Panadeine tablets I had taken were not taking effect. I was eventually also given a morphine tablet as I was in some pretty major pain. I had been told to expect severe period pain but this was something else. Pain in the same region but on a constant and heightened level. Thankfully the morphine tab did its job and it wasn't long before Dale had helped me dress and we were off. I was floating, naturally and I was delivered back to my favourite Sydney lounge with chocolate, water, chips and flavoured mineral water. Comfort food plus.

I spent the rest of this evening in mild discomfort. I took a couple of Panadeine Forte about 7pm and was in bed by midnight. I was told that if I was active it would further stimulate the empty follicle sacs and the remaining immature ones which were not ready for collection. Fingers crossed I feel a bit better in the morning.

Tuesday July 13th

So I managed to get some great sleep. So good I woke up at 11am... woo hoo!

No Synarel and no more injections. It is now a wait and see.

Today I have felt fatigued and a little bloated. All good.

Monday, please be the day of good news!?!?!

OK so as this blog title indicates, I am no longer enamoured with this process at all! In fact I am dreading each day. Sunday reminded me what the first three and a half months of pregnancy were lie for me... one constant hangover. It was awful!

So this morning I traipsed off to the clinic. I snorted my Synarel in the morning and took the medipen in to the clinic so I could get the nurse to administer for me.

I had the blood test as usual and then went in for the ultrasound. Luckily it was a familiar nurse doing the ultrasound so I felt comfortable. She counted up quite a few good sized eggs and suggested it might be the trigger injection tonight. Although they might hold off, you never can tell. She also did my Gonal f injection for me.

I was feeling pretty sketchy from the nausea and the fatigue (did I mention I barely slept last night. 5 hours max!). Anyway, I managed to get a birthday present bought and made it home.

I got the call from the clinic about 2pm to say I was all good for the trigger injection tonight and that I was down for egg collection Wednesday at 11am. That meant I had to take the trigger injection tonight at 11pm. So I packed a ba and headed over to my friend's house (the egg recipients) so that they could give me the final injection. It was just a stomach one but in a serious looking needle and for some reason I was just not interested at all in giving it to myself.

So with that taken, I was off to bed. No more Synarel needed either! Woo hoo one step closer! How many eggs will they get? Now if only I can sleep!?

Sunday July 11th

Well I had a really easy night in with some friends and their two little boys (2 and 5 yr olds). I was supposed to babysit but once my friends saw me and decided to stay in and keep me company. I guess I was a bit of an emotional wreck. I curled up on ther sofa and we got fish and chips and watched movies. Bless them!

Now one of the reasons I hit a heavy low yesterday was also because I got a call from the clinic about lunchtime to tell me that they wanted me to keep going on the meds and come in Monday for another blood test and ultrasound. The doctor wanted the eggs to get a little bit bigger before collection. So Wednesday collection at the earliest. Damn it!

So Sunday started out with a snort of Synarel and a shot in my belly of the Gonal f. Then I was off to the movies with my mate and her 5 yr old (Toy Story 3 is a hoot!).

We followed up with a coffee down at Balmoral and all was going well until about midday. I started to ramp up a bit and after we dropped the little fella home and went to do some shopping, it all went down hill. I progressively felt worse to the point of nausea, headache and head spins. Lets just say we had to take a seat, get some water and look for the nearest bathroom in case I needed to make a puke run! Gross but true. My mate then returned me home (well my temporary Coogee base).

The rest of the evening was very quiet. I came home to my friend Bridie cooking a chicken roast and as I stayed still and calm and had a yummy meal, my body settled and I was off to bed.

Synarel before bed too.

Saturday 10th July

This morning I went to the clinic for a blood test and ultrasound. I was happy to find out the eggs were growing well and I would find out later in the day as to whether they were ready for harvest. So I left the clinic and called my friend and generally felt like I was walking on sunshine. What a great day and what a fantastic feeling. Come Monday the harvest might happen and all will be done! Yippee!

So I toodled off through the city feeling pretty pleased with myself. Until the dreaded low set in. I experienced a relatively deep depression by early afternoon. I was crying on and off, truly melancholy and just totally wiped out emotionally. I went from high to low in a matter of an hour or so. It was drastic too. I know myself well enough to know being on my own just feeds a depression so I headed of to some friend's for the night. I also had cramping, bloating, a headache and general feeling of discomfort all night.

I took the Synarel morning and night and had the injection in the morning.

This is getting a lot harder!

Friday, July 9th, and 23 days since I started this process

So its been 23 days since I started taking meds for this process to happen. I am feeling a little worn out but then I spare a thought for my friend who I am doing this for and I realise that I am experiencing a mere fraction of what she has had to go through over the past 13 years of trying to fall pregnant. And as my mum would say, you don't know how someone feels until you've walked in their shoes. To compare then, I am taking baby steps in the processes my friend has endured at the hands of her challenging reproductive system.

So today I am snorting the Synarel morning and night and injecting the Gonal f into my stomach. Not too taxing really. Except I am feeling it physically today. I feel bloated and heavy and have spent a bit of time on the couch. I have also walked up to the shops and had a wave of total love wash over me for my partner back home. You know those butterflies you get in the pit of your stomach when you first meet someone you really, really like? Well, it was like that. I was beaming from ear to ear. And I was dying to call him and just gush out feelings of total adoration to him... Its a good thing that happened at about 3am UK time. I can only imagine his response..."How much longer are you on these drugs?" He really is a great guy, don't get me wrong. But even he has his limits!

So I went to my mates house tonight, the recipients of the eggs so that I could babysit their two adopted daughters while they had a rare night out. The little one (2yr old) was in bed before they even left. And their 5 yr old fell asleep lying next to me on the couch after Masterchef finished. Bless, the girls are soooo cute!

So as I lay there wallowing in my own bloated pain, I figured how worth while baby making is! I can't wait to have my own little family!

July 8th - 7th Injection day

Well, what a day...!!!

I woke up feeling a little bit hot and clammy. I just generally felt off. But I really didn't have time too much time to consider it all. I was off to the clinic for an 8.30am start. I had the blood test and ultrasound today.

When I got into the clinic I went straight in for the blood test and unfortunately the woman doing the test decided to go for my inner arm vein and it was bloody painful and it just set me off in tears. And they weren't the odd tear, I found myself sobbing. She got me water and then called one of the nurses so I could be ushered off in to the ultrasound room. I came good until I was told I was about to have a trans-vaginal ultrasound. WHAT??? I hadn't signed up for that? Well I guess I had, 'cause I was there. (For further explanation on the scan... a transvaginal sonography is done with a probe placed in the woman's vagina.) Anyway, as always they were treating me beautifully and I felt in good hands and they certainly weren't going to let me leave until I felt a bit better. The nurse also re-itterated that it was very normal for me to be so emotional and I shouldn't worry about it. Just soldier on!

Anyhoo, back to the ultrasound. After the initial shock and the general discomfort, it was not that bad and they were able to count 8 decent sized follicles on one side and about 5 on the other. Which is about on track for the 8-10 good sized ones for collection they are hoping for.

So after I was done getting dressed etc, I was Gonal f speared by the nurse who did my ultrasound. She was a gem. I was asking her about why my spearing efforts had produced both a shocking bruise on the first attempt, and then a pin prick the second time... Her response was that it is luck of the draw if you hit a capillery. So I felt a little less stressed by my bruising.

I then went and met a mate for hug or two (I really was feeling low. Just miserable.) and we went to do a Zumba class. The nurses had said it was ok and even though I was feeling a little bloated and a bit sore after the ultrasound I wanted to do the class so off we went. It turned out to be quite fun and I was feeling infinitely better afterwards. I also had a call from the clinic to tell me that I was right on track and the measurements on the follicles were 12mm - 14.5/15mm and they need to be at 17mm for collection. I am to go back in on Saturday for another ultrasound and blood tests and we will probably be looking at a collection either Monday, Tuesday or Wednesday next week. phew, lets get this over!

We then ventured off for a spot of lunch and then my mate shouted me to a manicure and pedicure... ahhh... then I was off home, but would you beleive it was only about another hour before the tears started to flow again. At least I managed to keep them at bay fractionally, and it was bucketing with rain so no one would have noticed my wet cheeks as I walked through town to get to my bus home. And Sean called to check up on me as soon as he got my text saying it hadn't been a great day, and he always makes me smile with his really bad jokes!

I spent the afternoon on the couch staying very mellow. When I Skyped Sean I was in tears again and to be honest, if it weren't for the fact that I know I am being fed hormones, then I would be seriously concerned for my mental health.

So Synarel before bed and I am done!

Injection 6

Another morning starting with another snort of Synarel and a vague fumble around to get the needle ready and another injection in my belly! Today I went the other side of my belly and I let go of the fat roll before I took out the needle and would you believe there was nothing but a pin prick mark left at the end of the day. So I only have two bruises at present, one from the Nurse on Monday and my brutal mark from yesterday.

The rest of the day has gone by fairly uneventful. Did manage to catch up with a mate from days gone by and while I ordered what looked like a yum meal, I just didn't have too much of an appetite. And later in the day I just wasn't really interested in food.

I also haven't felt too enamoured with life this evening. Not sure why. Hormones?

Synarel taken at the end of the night too!

Injection number 5... Did I or didn't I?

OK, I woke up this morning after doing a few practise injections on a poor unsuspecting lime last night and voila... I think I can do the injection myself!

So while I was still a little sleepy and therefore not as panicky as I can get, I did it. And I made myself bleed! And I bruised myself... Rookie error on the bleeding part. I was still holding my stomach fat taut when I took the needle out so there was a little trickle of blood. Freaky! I also twisted the pen inside me as I changed hands so I could easily depress the end of the pen. So I ended up with a bruise. But... I DID IT! woo hoo!!!

So how happy am I? Pretty happy. I didn't waste anyone else's time and all is well with the world!

Pretty mellow day apart from that. I went to the library and did some work while listening to an almighty heavy rain storm outside. Then I came home to my wonderful mate's home cooked yummy soup!

All round a good day!

Synarel morning and night.

Oh, and the bloating has actually calmed since last week!

July 5th - Sean's birthday

July 5th, monday morning and another early morning trip into the clinic for a blood hormone test and time to get another nurse to give me the injection (my mate wasn't awake when I left for the clinic and timings of injection meant it was better to get the nurse to do it when I had the blood test).

I also have a counselling session at the clinic with my friend who will be receiving my eggs. Its another part of the process and a legal requirement (I think). Its certainly another expense to the whole process. Boy am I happy my body seems to work ok. This is an expensive process for my friends to go through!

So when I went in to the clinic today I talked to the nurse about how I wasn't able to do my own injections. She suggested I practice and gave me a demo pen and some spare needles and told me to practice on an orange at home.

I went to the counselling session and it was good. Nothing very new was raised. Just re-itterated alot of the earlier info. Having said that, I quite like the sessions and think for me, verbalising the issues makes them easier to cope with. So when I need to talk about feeling used or abandoned after the egg donation process , then its out there. And talking about how I would feel if the process is successful and a little person is born and looks a lot like me... how I might feel about that. Its all good to get it out there! And talking about what if they don't get any eggs from me... yikes, how guilty would I feel?!?! Really guilty! Anyway, its sometimes hard discussions which are the ones which you really need to have to make sure you stay on an even keel as much as possible! Now thats a little life lesson isn't it!?

Now, the other big thing for me today is that I it is my partner;s birthday. He's in the UK and going to work, but I am not there. Now whether it is time spent away or hormone levels or what, I am really feeling guilty and generally quite sad that I am not there today. He is a great, really great guy and does a lot for me. He helps me be a batter person and I can never thank him enough, but I'm not there! I feel like a pretty lame girlfriend today. I also went into a tail spin as I couldn't get hold of him when I thought I should be able to and all sorts of REALLY irrational thoughts went through my head. It was unfounded but I could feel myself walking on very shaky ground all afternoon until he woke up and gave me a call. He slept in and turned the phone off, so my over active imagination decided to make up some convoluted thoughts, and BANG... I was going a-wol on normal rational thought! Damn hormones!

Two Synarel puffs today too!

I also spent some time injecting a lime with the demo water medipen last night. Its actually quite easy to do when you know the lime doesn't have any nerves and therefore you can't cause pain! So tomorrow, I am going to gie it a go! I can do this!!!

4th of July and the third injection

I woke up to my mate calling my name. She wants to know what time I should be having the injection and she is bang on for her timing. The injections need to be given about the same time each day so I am taking them around 9am each day.

She was really worried about hurting me and I seriously thought she would lose her cool. But we were both wrong. She didn't hurt me and she just took it all in her stride. In fact, she hurt me less than the nurse yesterday.

I should explain the hurt factor. It really isnt that bad. But then would you put a bull ant up to your skin and encourage it to bite you? I don't think so. Not unless you wanna join the Jackarse crew?! So its a little on the sadistic side of things.

I am also keeping up with the Synarel morning and night! Very important.

July 3rd - the 2nd of injection days...

So I went into the clinic at some ungodly hour this morning to have my 2nd injection. It was a very different waiting room today. Lots of couples. I guess the partner can easier make it in on the weekend so there were plenty of them! I saw a different nurse today. There seemed to be a lot of new faces in the staff. No matter, I just wanted to go in, have the nurse watch me and guide me through giving myself the injection.

Despite my reservations over the self injection process I was certain I should master this part of the process. So I prepped the medipen and I cleaned off my skin. Then I took a disposable needle point and screwed it on to the pen. At this point I would like to re-itterate that I am not comfortable at all. For some reason, my normally steely reserve has turned to mush regarding the injections. Nevertheless I carry on by removing the first protective cap on the needle. Then the second. And with one look at that needle I simply handed the needle to the nurse and said she must inject me...

Where are you steely reserve??????

What a woose!

Needless to say I felt low. I also felt emotional about it. Not only am I caving at the pressure of giving myself and injection, but I'm also getting emotional about it?! I mean, come on?!?!?

My friend who I am staying with has suggested she should give me the injection tomorrow. It will be Sunday and she offers so I am not getting up at a stupid early time to get in to the clinic. She seems very firm and totally ok with giving the needle. So I say yes.

INJECTION DAY

Ok so I went in to the clinic this morning and sat down with Nurse Anna, and we went through the injection schedule and process. She gave me a pack of 4 boxes of Gonal f which each contain a medipen with the meds already loaded up, and the relevant paraphenalia ie, screw on needle tips. They also send you home with the trigger injection which is to be taken 36 hours before the harvest (or collection as it is written on my Cycle diary). That is a full on proper looking injection. I'm going to my friend's house for her to do that one as I am most certainly NOT doing it myself! They also put little swabs etc in the bag for you so that you can clean the skin where you inject and all that. So you are very well set up to go ahead. Now... can I do it myself?

I've been contemplating giving myself the injections (the general practice), however I seem to be baulking at the thought. Its not like these are particularly scary injections. They are the little medipens used by diabetics the world over. They have been used for years and they really aren't that big of a deal... I just don't like the idea of hurting myself! Oh well, not to bother as I can go in each day for the next 10-12 days and have the injections done by one of the nurses. Or... I could just 'man-up' and do it myself?

So this morning I asked Anna to do it for me and it really wasn't particularly difficult nor painful. But as we spoke afterwards, Anna asked how I was going with everything... and my instant response was that I missed Sean and to my total surprise, I promptly burst into tears (mildly stifled by my hands thrust over my face in total embarrassment that I was sobbing!?) Naturally Anna has seen this kind of behaviour plenty of times before, and she explained where they were keeping me, hormone wise, and that it was a natural response to feel a heightened sense of emotion at this time...

But it doesn't help that I miss Sean!!!

Naturally I did what any woman may do on this occasion... I went shopping and ate three donuts! (And the donuts were GOOOD!)

Day 15 of this process, day 2 of my cycle, July 1st... and its a thursday!

Another pretty uneventful day in the process. Synarel and not much else. Spoke to the nurse at the clinic and I am due to go in tomorrow and start the injections.

The bloating has gotten a little out of control. At about 3pm I decided to take a walk to Bondi. It's a beautiful walk along the coastline and there are beautiful coves, beaches and cliff tops to walk along. I headed off with a stomach which seemed to refuse to accept the sandwich I had eaten for lunch. I was feeling in limbo between the digestion of food and the potential evacuation defying gravity! My guts were the size fo a five month pregnant woman and I was not happy!

Instead of the one hour walk it should normally take I took it at a leisurely stroll and ended up taking 2 hours to get to Bondi and arrived just as the sun had set and the super chill set in. Happily I met up with my friend who drove me back home and even more happily, I was slightly cured of the pain from the bloating as it appears the slow old walk helped get that sandwich down...!!!

I would be much happier taking the Yarrow tincture and settling my stomach, however I have been assured that by taking it I could put the process in jeopardy, and I am NOT prepared to do that!